Dear Reader,
Welcome to my Writing One website. By clicking on the different tabs above, you can take a look at some of the work I have done this quarter and learn a little bit about me as a writer. This website includes the final products of my two essays that I put a great amount of effort into creating and constructively revising. The revision process definitely put some strain on my brain because of the difficulties I had when trying to elaborate on my ideas that I already put my best effort to lay out in the previous drafts. It was pleasing to see how my final work was able to come together after I wrapped up my revisions, allowing it to truly reflect the hard work that was ingrained into both of my essays.
My two essays had similar areas in need for improvement. I needed to focus on breaking up paragraphs that held too many main ideas in them. By splitting up these ideas, I was left with a handful of really short paragraphs. This made it clear to me that I was not giving enough information about the specific topic before moving on to the next one. After recognizing this, I was able to elaborate on those ideas, allowing my writing to flow more intelligible to readers. Going along with splitting up paragraphs, I made revisions to improve the clarity of my work. The altering of sentence structure and the addition of small details enabled me to see the significance of putting myself in the perspective of a reader to clear up any possible confusions. Behind the scenes of this website holds a lot of effort, which I hope was executed well enough for you to recognize.
The first essay we worked on this year was the Narrative Inquiry, which you can find under the tab titled, “A Whole Lot of Ruckus”. This essay is quite personal, as it is based on my parent’s divorce. After getting two reviews from my professor on this essay, I knew, generally, what I needed to focus on. As I talked about before, the incorporation of the right details is what allowed this essay to really come together. Rather than just leaving readers with, “To me, all of these things seemed like they were completely my mom’s fault at the time,” I added, “My mind was wrapped around the idea that because she was the one who initiated the divorce, it was her who was splitting up our family,” to give an explanation behind why I was blaming her for everything that was going on. Later in the essay, I added a paragraph to allow readers to see how the relationship between my mom and I was strengthened after such a hard time. Before the paragraph was added, I vaguely mentioned, “Despite all that happened, my mom and I have rebuilt the healthy relationship we had before”. The new paragraph saves readers from having to guess about how things went. Along with these changes, I adjusted some vocabulary choices and added specific dialogue to bring more clarity into play.
The next essay we completed this year was the Rhetorical Analysis, where you can find under the tab titled, “Heat On Your Feet”. This essay was based on the commercial for Kobe’s Nike Zoom Kobe Five shoe. To reach complete clarity, this essay needed a separation of paragraphs and an expansion on specific topics. After a revising activity, where I was required to come up with a variety of titles, I decided to change my title. Before the final revision, this essay was titled, “Too Hot,” which then turned into, “Heat On Your Feet”. I thought this title was more creative because it was a phrase that wasn’t mentioned in the commercial or my essay, but “tied” perfectly in line with the essay. Next, in order to make the essay less confusing for readers, I had to break off pieces of a long paragraph that covered different areas and didn’t compliment each other. The paragraph included different uses of rhetoric, which were better off in their own paragraph. This ultimately strengthened my essay because I was able to add more support to my arguments, while presenting the ideas to the reader clearly. I also changed the sentence, “The men walk into a casually walk through a burning building to find themselves in Kobe’s shoe closet,” to “After casually strolling through a burning building, the men found themselves in Kobe’s shoe closet”. Not only was the first sentence grammatically incorrect, the overall structure of it could have been displayed more effectively through a more engaging tone by a simple change of vocabulary. This example highlights the importance of, again, putting yourself in the readers shoes to make sure you don’t lose the reader’s attention by confusing them.
Through the works of revision and my development as a writer in Writing One, I am confident that my essays display the hard work I put into them. These revisions have helped me grow as a writer, while gaining knowledge, skills, and techniques that I can use forever. Although revising is not a smooth, care free process, the satisfaction that comes with seeing my work come together is something I am proud of. Everyone has room for improvement, and my advice to you is, take the feedback you receive and run with it.
Sincerely,
Korie Thomas 🙂
Korie's Blog 